Am I mine, or am I yours? You, who birthed me Gave me the atoms that make me, me Are you yours, or are you theirs? They, who birthed you Gave you the atoms that make you, you If you are right And I am yours And you are theirs They belong to the ones before them Then I am theirs and I belong to the ones before them If this is the law governing your reality Then all of humanity merely belongs to dust The dust we come from the protons, electrons and neutrons that make me, me So am I mine, now?
resounds in the nothingness within
the kind of nothingness that
only attracts more nothingness.
An invisible war rages in the void inside
Tearing down tissues,
Organs: heart, liver, brain and lungs
A deep cavity within that is
crowding with nothingness.
The sound of it
Like the squeaky shriek of
chalk scratching a board
and nails dragging across glass.
The sight of it: garish hues blinding and clamoring
Like digging through iris, cornea
and the whites of eyeballs
to gouge out by the optic nerves.
The knowledge of this reality
only known to my soulless loneliness
that cringes with every lie
precisely constructed to deceive,
creating cardboard versions of
a nothingness that can neither live nor die.
Muddy air and morose skies
hand of leviathan
brushing down the trachea and the spine
tar-like delusions demonize the eyes
blue stars drip into yawning mouths
of schizophrenic faces parading
inside cells that shrivel to dust
Trembling trees treasuring the wind
shimmering leaves hiding wisps of the moon
like memories coming in bits and pieces:
different editions of reality
waxing and waning to mark time.
painting pastel hues that dim with every recollection
Don’t break the still,
the lull of this broken heart.
driftwood drifting downstream
no respite for the heart that yearns for a goodbye
when the time comes to leave
we’ll tell each other
that we’ll meet again
a bittersweet smile hidden behind hair
pressed flowers dead between pages
reminding us of times past
Clouds curtain the Sun
Dimming its glowing luminosity
The stands are set now
A grand performance in the making
The twinkle in his eye shines brightest.
A gentle crescendo of laughs
Curving down the dark tresses of his mane
She went in search of a
Lost boy who chose to remain unattainable
And her infatuation with him, forever unrequited.
The Beginning: part one
The beginning of the end of me
Tar roads shining under yellow streetlights
Wet air soaking into my exposed skin
While your words danced around our feet
Spurring us forward in circles around an epicentre
Until I caved and let you in
Everything we’ve done
Everything we’ve said
Everything that’s been done and said by everyone else
Leading up to this diamond moment
Pristine and ordained only by the precision of time
I will visit this bit like a guest every night
Chased the early morning sunshine
With milky conversations balancing on the line of temptation
Your music swelled and melded with mine
The divide between you and me closing in
Just as dark met dawn and sleep evaded
I watched your back bewitch me while you walked out.
The Beginning: part two
Games instigated by the wheels of fate
Govern the entirety of my universe
Set in motion far before my eyes met yours.
I want to sit alone all day
Do nothing but think of you and the
Magnetized glances trespassing in between.
Thought you could be
Just another exploit I picked up off the streets
But hiding beneath your deceptive mask is
Misdirected apathy in your eyes–so disconcerting;
If I stay still enough, I can almost catch it
Burning through every breath you breathe
Never mine to hold.
Never meant to be tamed
Never meant to be conquered or owned
But the falsities that I let you build pre-empt
The giddy confusion you awaken within me
Like your sugary voice that belies the coffee truth.
Interlude: part one
You and I are old players
In a battle that has played out before
Our words are double-edged weapons.
A flurry of two katanas flirting each day
on a stage that has seen far worse
It’s not too long before I let my guard down.
I butcher Hope and Self-Respect to pass my time
Searching for you in my cyanide dreams and
Wearing down the corners of those same old streets.
Love is the lost little ladybug that eludes me.
In the grandfather paradox I create under each moon,
Your mind the only key to deciphering these verses.
Interlude: part two
Temporary peace settles
Like dust on counter-tops
Misplaced by virgin fears
Threatened by my lost sanity
You are the ultimate, you are the truth
The final blow to my coffin
Destined just for me.
My restless desires go undeterred
against your uncanny indifference.
Your absence is my only salvation
from the threat of a broken heart
Yet a broken heart is naught but a writer’s accomplice.
The Affair: part one
Did you plan for it to play out this way?
Your divine intervention
Burnt asunder in the wishful pain of
getting what we always wanted
Both ensnared in our desire to turn immortal
Who was the Hunter and who the Prey?
It was part of the Lord’s design
that all things thus far implausible
are no more deemed intangible tonight.
Shy incantations you whispered in my ear and
each Machiavellian graze of your leg against mine
Cast the hypnotizing spell that shattered my dainty resolve.
So I leave a little kiss on your shoulder,
and a tiny one on your right hip:
Gentle reminders of a night that’ll die too soon.
Already hooked onto the smell of you
It’s etched into the most primitive parts of my brain
Conjured at even the slightest provocation.
I listen to melodies that evoke a recollection of
My clandestine rendezvous with a scorpion in disguise
Collecting these memories like souvenirs in a casket
Retrievable only through the songs I write for you
I can barely contain this explosion of excitement,
But my poetry is wasted on your libertine, Casanova ways.
The Affair: part two
You came bringing bitter presents
Stark stare on your face
Wrapping me up in the tight embrace of seductive darkness.
I am but a mere afterthought to you
While you are the centre of my obsessions
Stuck in my mind like gum in my hair
Don’t say you warned me about this
About the danger sign hanging on your head
My art is my only solace.
You bring me to my knees
Forehead reverently touching your feet
I can only worship the ground you walk on.
We will not come unscathed out of this–
This sordid affair, our dirty little secret
I wish I hated you more.
Tell me that you’re thinking of me,
Tell me I’ve engulfed your soul with a vice-like grip
on the fire that burns within you.
I no longer care if I am scorched
Just allow me to crawl beneath your skin
I’ll make my home in any nook and cranny you may offer.
The sweet agony of your touch and my memories of you–
Mine to cherish and mine to dream of: mine, and mine alone
I’ll be damned when I’m asked to let you go.
Five damp, discrete nights without light
Four carefully worded sentences
Three meagre compliments
Two arrogant hands and
One charming smile
This was all it took to perform your magic trick
Would I still be called a fool if I told you
That I’d seen this coming all along?
I am none the wiser than yesterday.
I tried to give you my all, and
What I couldn’t give is present in
a ballad that has exhausted all my emotions
Your timing was a little off,
But it was the most classic execution.
I believed you could wipe away the touch of lovers past
But few unsolicited tongue-in-cheek promises later
You pulled out your infamous disappearing act:
A page stolen from my own book of life.
My infant love borne of our short-lived courtship
Adds to my adulation of the early rays of daylight
Which light up the swell of your lips
Now out of reach
Just a little, just enough
Enough to manoeuvre me into lunacy.
Silvery liquid sliding down her throat
Drenching her veins in ecstasy
Slave to the addiction of his thoughts
What have you learnt of them so far?
One remained daft, and the other, obstinate.
She had hoped to become his keeper,
But hope is feeble in comparison to the
Serendipitous hands of Fate and Time
that won’t stop spinning this spiel till the day
the Magician and his lover breathe their last.
All atoms in my body have conspired against me
Vibrating, vibrating, vibrating, vibrating
a queasy feeling unsettling the gut
I cannot breathe, I cannot see
The things I last ate
threaten to erupt out of my lungs
My own skin caging me in
I have receded into myself
my organs pushing me further inside.
no respite from the pressure of air
that refuses to move
Can you see what I am going through?
Can you see my heart squeezing itself to death?
Drowning in this masquerade of emotions
drifting in and out of sightless, soundless, numbness
deranged thoughts swimming in my sea of obsessions
It’s time for me to let the paranoia in
My slow descent into
crashing against the walls of my mind
like ocean waves breaking down jetting rocks
Uproar heaving through my body
Dissonant sound of unsteady thoughts
We sat on the edge of life
Wind strong enough to push us off
But in the comfort of flesh and blood
We kissed on, sultry and sweet
endless skies of dark blue and black
A lonely star shining on
was it you or was it me?
Skin trembling, cold
yours–warm and present
heady kisses you were feeding into my soul
counting. counting the seconds
passing by in a countless blur.
And suddenly we’re falling
falling off the top of the building
hair flying around my face
lights twinkling, falling with us in a blur